The Sopranos - Closed Captions - #5

Episode #5 Transcript
College
Captioned by HBO Communications Center,
©1999 Home Box Office,
a division of Time Warner Entertainment Company, L.P.
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Images are not thumbnails,
so fuhgeddaboutit!

Mommy... Yes, bear? Would you put me to bed? I'm scared. Sure, honey, hold on. I thought she was sleeping. Yeah, well she woke up. Daddy's gonna too, sweetie. We'll both put you to bed. Hurry, daddy. Yeah, yeah. (Barking)

(priest) these red pepper flakes really make all the difference. Mmm... Spicey. Good as willem defoe was, I cannot picture that Jesus looked like him. Could you pass the cheese? Not that he didn't do a good job, willem defoe. But the story's confusing. He gets down off the cross? You know originally bobby D. Was supposed to have that role. Really? Mm-hmm. Oof, different picture. Totally. You talking to me, Pilate? Well you must be talking to me 'cause I don't see nobody else here. Except barrabas here. You know what's remarkable? If you take everything Jesus ever said, add it up, it only amounts to only two hours of talk. Nooo. But wait, I heard the same thing about the Beatles. Except it was if you add up all their songs it only comes to ten hours. Yes. Of course it wasn't just what Christ said, it was his deeds. See that's my question. I understand what he did, but a lot of what he said, I don't get. Like, "the sun rises on the just and the unjust alike." Why? Because Christ was saying-- that whores will go to heaven before a lot of the righteous? Uh-huh. But that's not right. Let's face it father, we got some major contradictions here. It's about love. Think about it like that. What does that mean? It means, hopefully someday we will learn to tolerate, accept and forgive those that are different. Change through love. I better get going. Where are you going? You just got here. It's getting late. It's pouring rain out. I know you love that dvd player. I just got "remains of the day." See? Do I know you? Anything with Emma Thompson, I'm there. Father Phil, I didn't know you looked. What? To take in through the eyes a beautiful woman is that so different than a sunset, a douglas fir. Or any of god's handiwork?

(Church bells) hey, Fred. Hey, tanky. What do you say? You gonna be giving away any of that homemade cheese this year? With what they get for cream? I don't know. Listen, tank, anybody been looking for me or asking any questions about me? Big guy. New York sounding. Is there a problem? Dip-shit hit me with his boat while I was tubing on caribou lake. Claims it was my fault. Well if he shows up, want me to give you a call? Yeah, I wouldn't mind. Do that, thanks.
No one was asking for you, Fred. Alright, vitus. Thank you.

Hello, rat.

Please leave me alone. Why won't you show me your book? This is my private time. You're invading it. Oh is that so? Yes. I'm invading your private time, am i? Yes. What's in that book? C'mon let me see. Or are you protecting me... Is that what you're doing? Would I be shocked? Let me see it. Father turn it off, I can't handle it. What? What is it? Oh, father, I'm a terrible person. Oh no... You're a wonderful woman. Father, it's been building in me. I need to get it out. There's so much in me... I want... Carmela, if I can help. Please. How? How long has it been since you last confessed? I... If you like, I can do this with you. You mean, right here, father, now? The whole world is god's house. He hears and sees everything. Forgive me father for I have sinned. It's been four weeks since my last confession-- what am I talking about? That's a lie. I haven't truly confessed in 20 years. Go on. I have forsaken. What is right... For what is easy. Allowing what I know is evil in my house... Allowing my children, oh, my god, my sweet children to be part of it. Because I wanted things for them, a better life, good schools... I wanted this house, I wanted money in my hands, money to buy anything I ever wanted. I'm so ashamed. My husband... I think he has committed horrible acts. I think he has-- you know all about him father Phil! And I'm the same. I've said nothing, I've done nothing about it. I got a bad feeling. That it's just a matter of time before god compensates me with outrage for my sins.

C'mon. Whoa, tequila breath. Sorry, dad. It's alright, kiddo, just hang on to me. Don't throw up on that dress, I'll have to tell your mother everything. (Meadow) this guy was giving me tequila shooters. Oh god, everything is spinning. You're not mad are you, daddy?
(Female) where are the keys? (Male) I gave them to you.
(Tony) I'm supposed to be. (Meadow) I love you, dad. (Tony) I know.

You must truly repent genuinely and honestly. And in the future, you must renounce all these actions, and then god will absolve you. I don't know father, I'll try. But I still love him. I still believe he can be a good man. Then you help change into a better man and then you will have done good in god's eyes. I think you should take communion. (Carmela) why do you have that with you? Unfortunately, I had to say mass for someone in intensive care. Lord, I am not worthy to receive thee. But just say the word... (Together) and I will be healed. This is the body of Christ that was broken for you. This is the blood of Christ that was shed for you. Accept the spirit of Christ, our lord and savior. Amen. Name of the father, son and the holy spirit. Amen.

Dad... I booked a seat on a Boston flight tomorrow, four o'clock. Best I could get. Don't come. "Don't come." I'll make sure you and meadow have cleared the state before anything happens. We don't ever meet face to face. This is my thing. I'm your soldier, antonio. This is my duty. Like we're always talking about. The way this went down. This is my call. I got to vouch for this myself. Clipping a famous rat would put me a cunt hair away from being made. He might of recognized me at the gas station he could lam any time. You stay put. End of discussion. Why are you using the pay phone again? These walls are like paper. I didn't want to wake you up. Dad, please don't lie to me. Come on, let's go back bed. Lying down made me throw up!

(Phone) hello. Oh, hi honey... Oh , yeah, was it fun? Oh good. You want to sleep over there? Okay. Love you. That was a.J. He's sleeping over. I see. At a friend's house. Ah. The pucillos. I don't know if you know them. I... Are you alright? Father Phil? Are you alright? (Vomiting) (phone) hello. Hello.

Ow! Don't. Want to stop and get a beer? No? Alright I'll pick you up in a little while. You knock 'em dead. Aren't you coming in? No, I left my watch at the motel. I'll catch up to you later. Grab me a student paper.

You should have some coffee. Last night... Yeah? We didn't do anything out of line. There's nothing to apologize about. Right. That's right. I should get dressed, get going. Anthony junior'll be home soon. Oh, my god. My car's been out there all night. In plain sight. If we didn't do anything wrong, we didn't do anything wrong. Is there a commandment against eating ziti? It's okay, take a shower, get dressed. Don't forget your sacrament kit, whatever. (A.J.) I'm home. Carmela... I don't know where to begin. It's not that I don't... Have desire for you in my heart-- father, please. Last night was one of the most difficult tests from god, ever, for me. What are you talking about? We're friends. What's that look about? What, I look some way? I was just thinking about when we watched "Casablanca" last week. That new print is great, huh? You know when bogie says, "of all the lousy gin joints in the world, why'd you have to pick mine?" Of all the priests in the world, why did I have to get the one who's straight? Carmela. C'mon! It's a joke.

I would have done him myself last night but some people came along. But anyway, it's a gray town car. New model. You pick him up on the Colby campus, stay on him. Where? Where on the Colby campus? What'd I just say? His kid's applying there. The fuckin' admissions office! You follow them an hour outta town, you pull alongside, boom, 12 gauge. Fuck that. Lon, you do what I ask or you'll never get another bag off me. No, no, no. Fuck that. Fuck that. You want the cops to find out who burned down the historical house? (Female) fuck you, fuck-wad. We were volunteer firemen together, asshole! I know! Yeah, is dougie in?

Good morning rat. Who are you? What is this? Don't make me laugh. You pimp. You fuck. Teddy, there must be something we can do-- tony. It's tony, you fuck. You know how much trouble you're in now? You took an oath, and you broke it. I could have killed you last night. Outside the motel. Your daughter was drunk, remember? I was there in the parking lot. I had a gun, but I didn't do it. Because of her. I told myself it's just a coincidence. He's talking his little girl to college. You want to know one thing about us wiseguys, the hustle never ends. You shot me at that motel your life would've been flushed down the pisciadood. Please tony, I'm begging you. Jimmy says hello from hell, you fuck. (Phone)

where have you been? I went back to the motel, they didn't have the watch, so I went over to the restaurant, they was closed. I had to wait for them to open. The restaurant had your watch? I took it off in the bathroom when I was washing my hands. You ready? We're gonna be late. Dad, what's up with that? Oh, the restaurant. I tried the back door. There were puddles. It was dumb, I know. Your hand is bleeding. Dad, where'd you go? You saw that man, didn't you? I cut it on the screen door. What man? The man you said you didn't know. What do you think happened? I don't know! You got in a fight? You don't know? You're making a big deal out of this and you don't know. You were on the pay phone again last night. At the one o'clock in the morning. I was on the pay phone at one in the morning? Excuse me miss cuervo, you can't be trusted to remember what happened last night because you were seeing pink elephants. I warned you not to drink. Dad... You're being honest with me, right? Pretty soon here you're gonna start hurtin' my feelings. We have that kind of relationship, you said. That's right. We don't do or we don'T. It takes two to tango. Dad... What? Nothing. I love you. I love you too. Where's my paper? I forgot. You forgot.
Miss soprano, c'mon in. Shall we talk about your future? He's our most famous alumnus.

Well, here they are. The two ivy leaguers. How was it? Yous want something to eat? I'm good, I gotta call hunter. Gee, she spared me no boring detail. (Meadow) I'll be back. What a trip. I'm beat. What? New england? It's so gorgeous. You still sound a little nasal, but you look better. Any cold past? There was some ziti but it all got eaten. The whole tray from last sunday? Monsignor jug-head was here. If you're referring to father intintola, yes he was. He spent the night here. Yeah, right. Okay. The priest spent the night here? What happened? Nothing. Where was anthony? He was sleeping over at jason's. The priest spent the night here. Nothing happened. And you're telling me this because... You might hear something, take it the wrong way. His car was out front all night. You know what? This is too fucked up for me even to think about. What'd you guys do for 12 hours? Play "name that pope"? He gave me communion. I'll bet he gave you communion. Excuse me? Carmela, the guy spends the night here with you and all he does is slip you a wafer? That's verging on sacrilege. I didn't mean to verge. You think I'm lying? I don't know, but the whole thing sounds-- would I have told you about it voluntarily if there'd been anything to be ashamed of? Do I look like the friggin' thornbird over here? He's a fag, that's it. 'Cause otherwise I gotta question what I'm hearing hear. Oh, tony, you are a sketch. By the way, your therapist called. Jennifer? Carm. I just thought you'd think it was weird if I saw a woman psychiatrist, that's all. Carm, c'mon! It's just therapy, we just talk!

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Episode #5 Transcript College Captioned by HBO Communications Center, ©1999 Home Box Office, a division of Time Warner Entertainment Company, L.P. < < Page 1 Page 2		Images are not thumbnails, so fuhgeddaboutit!
Mommy... Yes, bear? Would you put me to bed? I'm scared. Sure, honey, hold on. I thought she was sleeping. Yeah, well she woke up. Daddy's gonna too, sweetie. We'll both put you to bed. Hurry, daddy. Yeah, yeah. (Barking)
(priest) these red pepper flakes really make all the difference. Mmm... Spicey. Good as willem defoe was, I cannot picture that Jesus looked like him. Could you pass the cheese? Not that he didn't do a good job, willem defoe. But the story's confusing. He gets down off the cross? You know originally bobby D. Was supposed to have that role. Really? Mm-hmm. Oof, different picture. Totally. You talking to me, Pilate? Well you must be talking to me 'cause I don't see nobody else here. Except barrabas here. You know what's remarkable? If you take everything Jesus ever said, add it up, it only amounts to only two hours of talk. Nooo. But wait, I heard the same thing about the Beatles. Except it was if you add up all their songs it only comes to ten hours. Yes. Of course it wasn't just what Christ said, it was his deeds. See that's my question. I understand what he did, but a lot of what he said, I don't get. Like, "the sun rises on the just and the unjust alike." Why? Because Christ was saying-- that whores will go to heaven before a lot of the righteous? Uh-huh. But that's not right. Let's face it father, we got some major contradictions here. It's about love. Think about it like that. What does that mean? It means, hopefully someday we will learn to tolerate, accept and forgive those that are different. Change through love. I better get going. Where are you going? You just got here. It's getting late. It's pouring rain out. I know you love that dvd player. I just got "remains of the day." See? Do I know you? Anything with Emma Thompson, I'm there. Father Phil, I didn't know you looked. What? To take in through the eyes a beautiful woman is that so different than a sunset, a douglas fir. Or any of god's handiwork?
(Church bells) hey, Fred. Hey, tanky. What do you say? You gonna be giving away any of that homemade cheese this year? With what they get for cream? I don't know. Listen, tank, anybody been looking for me or asking any questions about me? Big guy. New York sounding. Is there a problem? Dip-shit hit me with his boat while I was tubing on caribou lake. Claims it was my fault. Well if he shows up, want me to give you a call? Yeah, I wouldn't mind. Do that, thanks. No one was asking for you, Fred. Alright, vitus. Thank you. Hello, rat.
Please leave me alone. Why won't you show me your book? This is my private time. You're invading it. Oh is that so? Yes. I'm invading your private time, am i? Yes. What's in that book? C'mon let me see. Or are you protecting me... Is that what you're doing? Would I be shocked? Let me see it. Father turn it off, I can't handle it. What? What is it? Oh, father, I'm a terrible person. Oh no... You're a wonderful woman. Father, it's been building in me. I need to get it out. There's so much in me... I want... Carmela, if I can help. Please. How? How long has it been since you last confessed? I... If you like, I can do this with you. You mean, right here, father, now? The whole world is god's house. He hears and sees everything. Forgive me father for I have sinned. It's been four weeks since my last confession-- what am I talking about? That's a lie. I haven't truly confessed in 20 years. Go on. I have forsaken. What is right... For what is easy. Allowing what I know is evil in my house... Allowing my children, oh, my god, my sweet children to be part of it. Because I wanted things for them, a better life, good schools... I wanted this house, I wanted money in my hands, money to buy anything I ever wanted. I'm so ashamed. My husband... I think he has committed horrible acts. I think he has-- you know all about him father Phil! And I'm the same. I've said nothing, I've done nothing about it. I got a bad feeling. That it's just a matter of time before god compensates me with outrage for my sins.
C'mon. Whoa, tequila breath. Sorry, dad. It's alright, kiddo, just hang on to me. Don't throw up on that dress, I'll have to tell your mother everything. (Meadow) this guy was giving me tequila shooters. Oh god, everything is spinning. You're not mad are you, daddy? (Female) where are the keys? (Male) I gave them to you. (Tony) I'm supposed to be. (Meadow) I love you, dad. (Tony) I know.
You must truly repent genuinely and honestly. And in the future, you must renounce all these actions, and then god will absolve you. I don't know father, I'll try. But I still love him. I still believe he can be a good man. Then you help change into a better man and then you will have done good in god's eyes. I think you should take communion. (Carmela) why do you have that with you? Unfortunately, I had to say mass for someone in intensive care. Lord, I am not worthy to receive thee. But just say the word... (Together) and I will be healed. This is the body of Christ that was broken for you. This is the blood of Christ that was shed for you. Accept the spirit of Christ, our lord and savior. Amen. Name of the father, son and the holy spirit. Amen.
Dad... I booked a seat on a Boston flight tomorrow, four o'clock. Best I could get. Don't come. "Don't come." I'll make sure you and meadow have cleared the state before anything happens. We don't ever meet face to face. This is my thing. I'm your soldier, antonio. This is my duty. Like we're always talking about. The way this went down. This is my call. I got to vouch for this myself. Clipping a famous rat would put me a cunt hair away from being made. He might of recognized me at the gas station he could lam any time. You stay put. End of discussion. Why are you using the pay phone again? These walls are like paper. I didn't want to wake you up. Dad, please don't lie to me. Come on, let's go back bed. Lying down made me throw up!
(Phone) hello. Oh, hi honey... Oh , yeah, was it fun? Oh good. You want to sleep over there? Okay. Love you. That was a.J. He's sleeping over. I see. At a friend's house. Ah. The pucillos. I don't know if you know them. I... Are you alright? Father Phil? Are you alright? (Vomiting) (phone) hello. Hello.
Ow! Don't. Want to stop and get a beer? No? Alright I'll pick you up in a little while. You knock 'em dead. Aren't you coming in? No, I left my watch at the motel. I'll catch up to you later. Grab me a student paper.
You should have some coffee. Last night... Yeah? We didn't do anything out of line. There's nothing to apologize about. Right. That's right. I should get dressed, get going. Anthony junior'll be home soon. Oh, my god. My car's been out there all night. In plain sight. If we didn't do anything wrong, we didn't do anything wrong. Is there a commandment against eating ziti? It's okay, take a shower, get dressed. Don't forget your sacrament kit, whatever. (A.J.) I'm home. Carmela... I don't know where to begin. It's not that I don't... Have desire for you in my heart-- father, please. Last night was one of the most difficult tests from god, ever, for me. What are you talking about? We're friends. What's that look about? What, I look some way? I was just thinking about when we watched "Casablanca" last week. That new print is great, huh? You know when bogie says, "of all the lousy gin joints in the world, why'd you have to pick mine?" Of all the priests in the world, why did I have to get the one who's straight? Carmela. C'mon! It's a joke.
I would have done him myself last night but some people came along. But anyway, it's a gray town car. New model. You pick him up on the Colby campus, stay on him. Where? Where on the Colby campus? What'd I just say? His kid's applying there. The fuckin' admissions office! You follow them an hour outta town, you pull alongside, boom, 12 gauge. Fuck that. Lon, you do what I ask or you'll never get another bag off me. No, no, no. Fuck that. Fuck that. You want the cops to find out who burned down the historical house? (Female) fuck you, fuck-wad. We were volunteer firemen together, asshole! I know! Yeah, is dougie in?
Good morning rat. Who are you? What is this? Don't make me laugh. You pimp. You fuck. Teddy, there must be something we can do-- tony. It's tony, you fuck. You know how much trouble you're in now? You took an oath, and you broke it. I could have killed you last night. Outside the motel. Your daughter was drunk, remember? I was there in the parking lot. I had a gun, but I didn't do it. Because of her. I told myself it's just a coincidence. He's talking his little girl to college. You want to know one thing about us wiseguys, the hustle never ends. You shot me at that motel your life would've been flushed down the pisciadood. Please tony, I'm begging you. Jimmy says hello from hell, you fuck. (Phone)
where have you been? I went back to the motel, they didn't have the watch, so I went over to the restaurant, they was closed. I had to wait for them to open. The restaurant had your watch? I took it off in the bathroom when I was washing my hands. You ready? We're gonna be late. Dad, what's up with that? Oh, the restaurant. I tried the back door. There were puddles. It was dumb, I know. Your hand is bleeding. Dad, where'd you go? You saw that man, didn't you? I cut it on the screen door. What man? The man you said you didn't know. What do you think happened? I don't know! You got in a fight? You don't know? You're making a big deal out of this and you don't know. You were on the pay phone again last night. At the one o'clock in the morning. I was on the pay phone at one in the morning? Excuse me miss cuervo, you can't be trusted to remember what happened last night because you were seeing pink elephants. I warned you not to drink. Dad... You're being honest with me, right? Pretty soon here you're gonna start hurtin' my feelings. We have that kind of relationship, you said. That's right. We don't do or we don'T. It takes two to tango. Dad... What? Nothing. I love you. I love you too. Where's my paper? I forgot. You forgot. Miss soprano, c'mon in. Shall we talk about your future? He's our most famous alumnus.
Well, here they are. The two ivy leaguers. How was it? Yous want something to eat? I'm good, I gotta call hunter. Gee, she spared me no boring detail. (Meadow) I'll be back. What a trip. I'm beat. What? New england? It's so gorgeous. You still sound a little nasal, but you look better. Any cold past? There was some ziti but it all got eaten. The whole tray from last sunday? Monsignor jug-head was here. If you're referring to father intintola, yes he was. He spent the night here. Yeah, right. Okay. The priest spent the night here? What happened? Nothing. Where was anthony? He was sleeping over at jason's. The priest spent the night here. Nothing happened. And you're telling me this because... You might hear something, take it the wrong way. His car was out front all night. You know what? This is too fucked up for me even to think about. What'd you guys do for 12 hours? Play "name that pope"? He gave me communion. I'll bet he gave you communion. Excuse me? Carmela, the guy spends the night here with you and all he does is slip you a wafer? That's verging on sacrilege. I didn't mean to verge. You think I'm lying? I don't know, but the whole thing sounds-- would I have told you about it voluntarily if there'd been anything to be ashamed of? Do I look like the friggin' thornbird over here? He's a fag, that's it. 'Cause otherwise I gotta question what I'm hearing hear. Oh, tony, you are a sketch. By the way, your therapist called. Jennifer? Carm. I just thought you'd think it was weird if I saw a woman psychiatrist, that's all. Carm, c'mon! It's just therapy, we just talk!
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