The Sopranos - Closed Captions - #5

Episode #5 Transcript
College
Captioned by HBO Communications Center,
©1999 Home Box Office,
a division of Time Warner Entertainment Company, L.P.
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Images are not thumbnails,
so fuhgeddaboutit!

How'd it go? They've got a 48 to 52 male/female ratio, which is great. Strong liberal arts program, and this cool Olin arts center for music. Usual programs abroad, china, India-- you're just applying here and you're already leaving? It's an option, dad. Junior year. What do you study in India? How not to get diarrhea? They don't require sat scores but mine'll help 'cause they're high. Socially, I don't know. This one girl told me there's this saying, bates is the world's most expensive form of contraception. Hey what kind of talk is that? You mean the girls at the other colleges we been to they just put out? Oh, my god. Pretty, huh? Yeah. Two to go. Colby up. Dad... How come you didn't finish college? I had that semester and a half at seton hall. Yeah? And? Grandma and grandpa didn't stress college. They were working class people. How come your parents were anti-education? They weren't anti. I can't lay it all off on them. I got into a little trouble when I was a kid. I heard. You did? Uh-huh.

(Radio) while in Waterville dine at the stonehouse, serving the freshest Maine lobster since 1840... (Changing stations) are you in the mafia? Am I in the what? Whatever you want to call it. Organized crime. That's total crap, who told you that? Dad, I've lived in the house all my life. I've seen the police come with warrants. I've seen you going out at three in the morning. So you never seen Doc Cusamano going out at three in the morning on a call? Did the Cusamano kids ever find $50,000 in krugerrands and a .45 automatic while they were hunting for Easter eggs? I'm in the waste management business. Everybody immediately assumes you're mobbed up. It's a stereotype. And it's offensive. And you're the last person I would want to perpetuate it. Fine. There is no mafia. Alright look... Mead you're a grown woman, almost. Some of my money comes from illegal gambling and what not. How does that make you feel? At least you don't keep denying it, like mom. Kids in school think it's actually kinda neat. They seen "the godfather", right? Not really, casino, we like, Sharon stone, the' 70's clothes, pills-- I'm not asking about those bums. I'm asking about you. Sometimes I wish you were like other dads. But then, like... Mr. Scangarelo for example? An advertising executive for big tobacco. Or lawyers? So many dads are full of shit. Oh, and I'm not. You finally told the truth about this. Look, mead, part of my income comes from legitimate businesses, stock market-- look, dad. Please, okay? Don't start mealy-mouthing.

How's my sweetheart? (Female) I'm so pissed. I can hardly see. Why? You getting the flu? No. That's my cousin Svetlana. The amputee? Two months she's only in America and she is already getting married. Hey, you knew the deal. I have two kids high school age. Now we talked about this. Yes, and a wife whenever you want. What do I have in my life? Boy, am I glad I called. Fuck you, then. Hang up. How are the whirlpool jets? They get them in right? Don't throw up in my face things you buy me, okay? Her prosthetic leg fall off in a gap store, and he carries her out like knight in white satin armor. I gotta go. My daughter's coming. Jesus.

Yeah. How you feeling? Better, actually. My fever just broke. I miss you two. How's the interviews going? Good, real good. Did she like bates... 'Cause anything to get her off this Berkeley kick. What the fuck... Tony! Yeah, yeah. Look I'll call you back from the motel.

Meadow. C'mon. C'mon get in. Okay. Okay. What's the rush? Jeez dad. What's going on? I think I saw an old friend, that's all. You know that guy at the gas station? Maybe not. Probably not. Then what?! Dad, slow down! Dad! Jeez! What's with you? It's alright. (Driver in other car) fucking maniac! What's going on? Just fooling around. Dad... Colby. Turn! Colby turn left! It's to the left! Left! Dad! See that's 'cause you're talking to me so much. Hey, this gets us toward Colby anyway. Dad, that's our motel. Hello! Our motel's right there. Did you know that guy? Nah, it wasn't him.

(Phone rings) bada bing. Take this number down and call me back. Now? It's pouring down here. (Tony) 207-555-0185. Mmm, mon dyoor, room serveece, et arrivee. Why thank you, kind sir. What? You said poached eggs. You're not gonna eat them now? After all that work. I guess my eyes were bigger than my stomach. Anthony, why don't you go over to jason's, play Nintendo. No kisses. Cooties. I'll be back in like an hour. Okay.

Motherfucker. Motherfuckin' shit. (Phone) I'm not sure, but I think I just saw Fabian petrulio. Refresh my memory. What's he before your time? Made guy, he flipped about ten years ago. He got busted for peddling h. That fuck took out a lot of people. A lot of people from our outfit. My old man was sick-- he never recovered when he heard the news. Minke, you saw this guy? That's what I'm saying. I think, I did but I'm not sure. Up in Maine? What the fuck? He went into the witness protection program. Then they kicked him out. Now he goes to colleges and gets paid all kinds of money to talk about what a big bad mafioso he was. Piece of shit. Febbie and me partied a couple times but Jackie Aprile knew him real good. They did a couple of counts together up in Lewisburg. Matter of fact-- you know that bust that was in his rec room with Sinatra? Febby made it for him in a prison workshop. That was frank, that bust? I always thought it was shaquille. Fucker needs to practice a little on lips. Yeah, I know. Anyway... Run these plates for me. Go ahead. Maine, t-x-6-6-9-2-0. Call you back tonight at ten.

Hey. What's wrong with the phone in your room? Nothing. I was taking a walk, saw the phone, figured I'd give Christopher a call. Oh, yeah? Everything okay? Yeah, they got a leak in the roof though. Is that alright?

(Doorbell) who is it? Father Phil. Just a second. Oh my D. Look at you. Oi. Hope I'm not barging in. Oh, no, I was watching TV. I was on the clothing drive and I thought you were up in Maine. By the way, your moschino pedal-pusher suit? It flew outta there. Oh, good. Good good. So anyway Jean Cusamano said you were ill. Yeah, I was. The flu that was going around. Yipes. I still have a little fever but-- I also have a confession to make. I have a jones for your baked ziti. Sure, any time. I have some in the freezer right now. I can reheat it. It's so much better that way, isn't it? The mozzarella gets all nice and chewy. I like that too. I was having a little fernet. It settles the system. Would you like something? Some wine if it's open. So how's mead and tony's trip going? I should know? He doesn't have time to talk to me for two lousy minutes.

Oh, jeez. Dad, stop staring. Why are you doing that? It's an exciting time. I can't tell you how proud I am of you to have a real student at casa soprano. And she looks like those models right out of Italian Vogue. Italian, Italian, Italian. Thank you. You're definitely up to something. Oof. How'd you get so cynical? That stuff we talked about before how's that sitting with you? It's not like I wasn't ninety percent sure already. What about your brother... Does he know? I think so. There was a time, mead, when the Italian people didn't have a lot of options. You mean like Mario Cuomo? Sorry. You know I put food on the table. My father was in it. My uncle was in it. Maybe I was too lazy to think for myself. I considered myself... A rebel. Maybe being a rebel in my family would have been selling patio furniture on route 22. In college nothing interested you? I barely got in. I kinda liked history. Yeah? Yeah. Napoleon. The Roman empire. The potsdam conference. That kinda of thing. What's the popsdam conference? Potsdamned if I know now. Oh, my god. Dad, I have something to tell you. Yeah? You're not... No, Jesus. A couple of weeks ago, me and some friends, we were doing speed. We did kind of a lot of it for a while. You what? It was between homework and sat's and just general pressure of life, we needed something to keep going. That crap'll kill you. I know. I oughta slap the shit outta you! Where'd you get it? If I thought this was gonna be a lecture, I never would've told you. Take a reality check. What do you think I'm gonna say? Where did you get it? No way I'm telling you, especially after this reaction. Why did you tell me? You were honest with me today. I won't be doing it again, it got too scary. Jesus, right under my nose. Think you'd know. No, dad. You won't. I'm glad you told me. In spite of everything. I'm glad I did too. I'm glad we have that kind of relationship.

Tony hates building fires. We have this beautiful fireplace, and those same three logs have been in there since Lincoln split them. Fear of fire, good deterrent to keep out of hell. Then maybe there's hope for him. I got something for you. It's what we were talking about. The chapter on Buddhism is spectacular. But I don't want you going over to those zany zennies. Fat chance. It's funny, I can never just sit on the floor and think of nothing. Thank you. Sure. You'll see how Islam has gotten a bad rap in current culture. This chianti, though, is beyond reproach. Word up.

Dad... Thought you fell in. This is Carrie... Lucinda. How you doing? They go to Colby. Yeah, why don't you hang out with them? Dad! What? What better way to learn about the college? Yeah, maybe. No, that'd be cool. Please excuse him. No, really. We love to dish the school. Well... Go ahead. Okay. Now mead no drinking. Girls you see that she sticks to cokes? I'll come back for you in an hour and a half. Be good.

(Phone) yo. What do you got? Wet shoes. You chose this life. You don't want to work in the rain, try for the fucking Yankees. The car is registered to Frederic peters, 38 Washington street, Waterville, Maine. It's off route 201, I looked it up. Frederick peters, Fabian petrulio... Good match, huh? I guess. I don't know. T, what are you going to do? I don't know. I got meadow here. Jesus. Fucking nightmare. You want, I'll fly up and take care of it. You're a good kid. You stay put. Maybe call pussy or Paulie. What, they can do it but I can't? Don't be so sensitive. They had a friend jimmy die in prison on account of this scumbag. Alright I'll let them know. Fuck. I gotta go do my homework and positively id this guy. I thought you said it was him. I haven't seen him in 12 years. I don't know, I gotta make sure. Look, I'll call you around midnight. Sit tight.

You think I'm a schnorrer, don't you? A who? A yiddish. It means somebody who always shows up in time for free grub. You're here a lot. And you're a man, you like to eat. I can't get over you with that yiddish. That's my neighborhood in Yonkers was mixed, Jewish and Italian. A hedi brew. What does that mean... Hedi? Melting pot... Vigor. (Phone) hello. Hello, I'm calling for tony soprano. Cajun stuffed olives? Who can I say is calling? This is Dr. Melfi. His nurse? No. Is this Mrs. Soprano? That's right and you're again? Jennifer melfi, Dr. Melfi. Jennifer... Lovely name. No, he's not home. Could I impose on you to tell him that I need to reschedule Monday's appointment? I'm down with the flu. Does he have your number, Jennifer? Let me give it to you just in case. I lost my pencil. Up his ass. I'll tell him you called. Why does he have to lie? Why couldn't he tell me his therapist is a woman? What is he hiding? Maybe he did tell you and you didn't hear him clearly. Oh please! Why wouldn't he tell me his therapist is a woman, unless he's screwing her? Carmela, please. And I thought he was changing. I thought this therapy was gonna help clear up the fucking freak show in his head. Carmela, I'm sure you're wrong about them. Therapy's a start, it's a good start. But yes, it doesn't fix the soul. He's going to need help from other sources to repair that. Well then you talk to him. You help him. But, well there ya go. Will he listen? He must be a very unhappy man. He's unhappy? Sleep is my number one-- oh, shit... Why go into it?

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Episode #5 Transcript College Captioned by HBO Communications Center, ©1999 Home Box Office, a division of Time Warner Entertainment Company, L.P. Page 1 Page 2 > >		Images are not thumbnails, so fuhgeddaboutit!
How'd it go? They've got a 48 to 52 male/female ratio, which is great. Strong liberal arts program, and this cool Olin arts center for music. Usual programs abroad, china, India-- you're just applying here and you're already leaving? It's an option, dad. Junior year. What do you study in India? How not to get diarrhea? They don't require sat scores but mine'll help 'cause they're high. Socially, I don't know. This one girl told me there's this saying, bates is the world's most expensive form of contraception. Hey what kind of talk is that? You mean the girls at the other colleges we been to they just put out? Oh, my god. Pretty, huh? Yeah. Two to go. Colby up. Dad... How come you didn't finish college? I had that semester and a half at seton hall. Yeah? And? Grandma and grandpa didn't stress college. They were working class people. How come your parents were anti-education? They weren't anti. I can't lay it all off on them. I got into a little trouble when I was a kid. I heard. You did? Uh-huh.
(Radio) while in Waterville dine at the stonehouse, serving the freshest Maine lobster since 1840... (Changing stations) are you in the mafia? Am I in the what? Whatever you want to call it. Organized crime. That's total crap, who told you that? Dad, I've lived in the house all my life. I've seen the police come with warrants. I've seen you going out at three in the morning. So you never seen Doc Cusamano going out at three in the morning on a call? Did the Cusamano kids ever find $50,000 in krugerrands and a .45 automatic while they were hunting for Easter eggs? I'm in the waste management business. Everybody immediately assumes you're mobbed up. It's a stereotype. And it's offensive. And you're the last person I would want to perpetuate it. Fine. There is no mafia. Alright look... Mead you're a grown woman, almost. Some of my money comes from illegal gambling and what not. How does that make you feel? At least you don't keep denying it, like mom. Kids in school think it's actually kinda neat. They seen "the godfather", right? Not really, casino, we like, Sharon stone, the' 70's clothes, pills-- I'm not asking about those bums. I'm asking about you. Sometimes I wish you were like other dads. But then, like... Mr. Scangarelo for example? An advertising executive for big tobacco. Or lawyers? So many dads are full of shit. Oh, and I'm not. You finally told the truth about this. Look, mead, part of my income comes from legitimate businesses, stock market-- look, dad. Please, okay? Don't start mealy-mouthing.
How's my sweetheart? (Female) I'm so pissed. I can hardly see. Why? You getting the flu? No. That's my cousin Svetlana. The amputee? Two months she's only in America and she is already getting married. Hey, you knew the deal. I have two kids high school age. Now we talked about this. Yes, and a wife whenever you want. What do I have in my life? Boy, am I glad I called. Fuck you, then. Hang up. How are the whirlpool jets? They get them in right? Don't throw up in my face things you buy me, okay? Her prosthetic leg fall off in a gap store, and he carries her out like knight in white satin armor. I gotta go. My daughter's coming. Jesus.
Yeah. How you feeling? Better, actually. My fever just broke. I miss you two. How's the interviews going? Good, real good. Did she like bates... 'Cause anything to get her off this Berkeley kick. What the fuck... Tony! Yeah, yeah. Look I'll call you back from the motel.
Meadow. C'mon. C'mon get in. Okay. Okay. What's the rush? Jeez dad. What's going on? I think I saw an old friend, that's all. You know that guy at the gas station? Maybe not. Probably not. Then what?! Dad, slow down! Dad! Jeez! What's with you? It's alright. (Driver in other car) fucking maniac! What's going on? Just fooling around. Dad... Colby. Turn! Colby turn left! It's to the left! Left! Dad! See that's 'cause you're talking to me so much. Hey, this gets us toward Colby anyway. Dad, that's our motel. Hello! Our motel's right there. Did you know that guy? Nah, it wasn't him.
(Phone rings) bada bing. Take this number down and call me back. Now? It's pouring down here. (Tony) 207-555-0185. Mmm, mon dyoor, room serveece, et arrivee. Why thank you, kind sir. What? You said poached eggs. You're not gonna eat them now? After all that work. I guess my eyes were bigger than my stomach. Anthony, why don't you go over to jason's, play Nintendo. No kisses. Cooties. I'll be back in like an hour. Okay.
Motherfucker. Motherfuckin' shit. (Phone) I'm not sure, but I think I just saw Fabian petrulio. Refresh my memory. What's he before your time? Made guy, he flipped about ten years ago. He got busted for peddling h. That fuck took out a lot of people. A lot of people from our outfit. My old man was sick-- he never recovered when he heard the news. Minke, you saw this guy? That's what I'm saying. I think, I did but I'm not sure. Up in Maine? What the fuck? He went into the witness protection program. Then they kicked him out. Now he goes to colleges and gets paid all kinds of money to talk about what a big bad mafioso he was. Piece of shit. Febbie and me partied a couple times but Jackie Aprile knew him real good. They did a couple of counts together up in Lewisburg. Matter of fact-- you know that bust that was in his rec room with Sinatra? Febby made it for him in a prison workshop. That was frank, that bust? I always thought it was shaquille. Fucker needs to practice a little on lips. Yeah, I know. Anyway... Run these plates for me. Go ahead. Maine, t-x-6-6-9-2-0. Call you back tonight at ten.
Hey. What's wrong with the phone in your room? Nothing. I was taking a walk, saw the phone, figured I'd give Christopher a call. Oh, yeah? Everything okay? Yeah, they got a leak in the roof though. Is that alright?
(Doorbell) who is it? Father Phil. Just a second. Oh my D. Look at you. Oi. Hope I'm not barging in. Oh, no, I was watching TV. I was on the clothing drive and I thought you were up in Maine. By the way, your moschino pedal-pusher suit? It flew outta there. Oh, good. Good good. So anyway Jean Cusamano said you were ill. Yeah, I was. The flu that was going around. Yipes. I still have a little fever but-- I also have a confession to make. I have a jones for your baked ziti. Sure, any time. I have some in the freezer right now. I can reheat it. It's so much better that way, isn't it? The mozzarella gets all nice and chewy. I like that too. I was having a little fernet. It settles the system. Would you like something? Some wine if it's open. So how's mead and tony's trip going? I should know? He doesn't have time to talk to me for two lousy minutes.
Oh, jeez. Dad, stop staring. Why are you doing that? It's an exciting time. I can't tell you how proud I am of you to have a real student at casa soprano. And she looks like those models right out of Italian Vogue. Italian, Italian, Italian. Thank you. You're definitely up to something. Oof. How'd you get so cynical? That stuff we talked about before how's that sitting with you? It's not like I wasn't ninety percent sure already. What about your brother... Does he know? I think so. There was a time, mead, when the Italian people didn't have a lot of options. You mean like Mario Cuomo? Sorry. You know I put food on the table. My father was in it. My uncle was in it. Maybe I was too lazy to think for myself. I considered myself... A rebel. Maybe being a rebel in my family would have been selling patio furniture on route 22. In college nothing interested you? I barely got in. I kinda liked history. Yeah? Yeah. Napoleon. The Roman empire. The potsdam conference. That kinda of thing. What's the popsdam conference? Potsdamned if I know now. Oh, my god. Dad, I have something to tell you. Yeah? You're not... No, Jesus. A couple of weeks ago, me and some friends, we were doing speed. We did kind of a lot of it for a while. You what? It was between homework and sat's and just general pressure of life, we needed something to keep going. That crap'll kill you. I know. I oughta slap the shit outta you! Where'd you get it? If I thought this was gonna be a lecture, I never would've told you. Take a reality check. What do you think I'm gonna say? Where did you get it? No way I'm telling you, especially after this reaction. Why did you tell me? You were honest with me today. I won't be doing it again, it got too scary. Jesus, right under my nose. Think you'd know. No, dad. You won't. I'm glad you told me. In spite of everything. I'm glad I did too. I'm glad we have that kind of relationship.
Tony hates building fires. We have this beautiful fireplace, and those same three logs have been in there since Lincoln split them. Fear of fire, good deterrent to keep out of hell. Then maybe there's hope for him. I got something for you. It's what we were talking about. The chapter on Buddhism is spectacular. But I don't want you going over to those zany zennies. Fat chance. It's funny, I can never just sit on the floor and think of nothing. Thank you. Sure. You'll see how Islam has gotten a bad rap in current culture. This chianti, though, is beyond reproach. Word up.
Dad... Thought you fell in. This is Carrie... Lucinda. How you doing? They go to Colby. Yeah, why don't you hang out with them? Dad! What? What better way to learn about the college? Yeah, maybe. No, that'd be cool. Please excuse him. No, really. We love to dish the school. Well... Go ahead. Okay. Now mead no drinking. Girls you see that she sticks to cokes? I'll come back for you in an hour and a half. Be good.
(Phone) yo. What do you got? Wet shoes. You chose this life. You don't want to work in the rain, try for the fucking Yankees. The car is registered to Frederic peters, 38 Washington street, Waterville, Maine. It's off route 201, I looked it up. Frederick peters, Fabian petrulio... Good match, huh? I guess. I don't know. T, what are you going to do? I don't know. I got meadow here. Jesus. Fucking nightmare. You want, I'll fly up and take care of it. You're a good kid. You stay put. Maybe call pussy or Paulie. What, they can do it but I can't? Don't be so sensitive. They had a friend jimmy die in prison on account of this scumbag. Alright I'll let them know. Fuck. I gotta go do my homework and positively id this guy. I thought you said it was him. I haven't seen him in 12 years. I don't know, I gotta make sure. Look, I'll call you around midnight. Sit tight.
You think I'm a schnorrer, don't you? A who? A yiddish. It means somebody who always shows up in time for free grub. You're here a lot. And you're a man, you like to eat. I can't get over you with that yiddish. That's my neighborhood in Yonkers was mixed, Jewish and Italian. A hedi brew. What does that mean... Hedi? Melting pot... Vigor. (Phone) hello. Hello, I'm calling for tony soprano. Cajun stuffed olives? Who can I say is calling? This is Dr. Melfi. His nurse? No. Is this Mrs. Soprano? That's right and you're again? Jennifer melfi, Dr. Melfi. Jennifer... Lovely name. No, he's not home. Could I impose on you to tell him that I need to reschedule Monday's appointment? I'm down with the flu. Does he have your number, Jennifer? Let me give it to you just in case. I lost my pencil. Up his ass. I'll tell him you called. Why does he have to lie? Why couldn't he tell me his therapist is a woman? What is he hiding? Maybe he did tell you and you didn't hear him clearly. Oh please! Why wouldn't he tell me his therapist is a woman, unless he's screwing her? Carmela, please. And I thought he was changing. I thought this therapy was gonna help clear up the fucking freak show in his head. Carmela, I'm sure you're wrong about them. Therapy's a start, it's a good start. But yes, it doesn't fix the soul. He's going to need help from other sources to repair that. Well then you talk to him. You help him. But, well there ya go. Will he listen? He must be a very unhappy man. He's unhappy? Sleep is my number one-- oh, shit... Why go into it?
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